I won't be sorry to see the back of 2011. My dad died on 25 April, just 8 weeks after his 60th birthday. Therefore everything since then has been "firsts" - the first Christmas without him, the first new year without him... and we have his birthday at the end of Feb 2012 as well. It isn't easy. I am desparately missing him (every Grand Prix, when I wanted to discuss it with him) and my poor mother must be desparately sad and lonely. She seems to be coping amazingly well.

I've had terrible health this year. From Feb to summer I took buprenorphine, which turned me into a zombie. I needed a quite high dose to tackle the pain. So next I tried oxycodone and that hit my pain, but I got nausea (I'm on 3 different anti emetics) and my sleeping pattern is terrible. I'm now off it but still get the odd withdrawal symptom. About one day a week I spend the day in bed sleeping and sometimes so tired that I'm not able to eat safely, so I have prescription shakes instead. My limbs ache with exhaustion like a bad bout of flu. I don't think people realise quite how bad I get.

The last time I spent the day in bed, unable to do anything, and having prescription shakes instead of meals, was Christmas Day. That was fun. Poor Mike spent the day popping up to see if I needed anything, and watching TV and eating on his own. I felt awful that I'd left him alone on Christmas Day but I couldn't help it.

I haven't been outside Leytonstone independently since July - although Mike has taken me on holiday and to his family for the day etc. And we went to my mother's for 4 hours on Wednesday (an exhausting 12 hour day, but I made it. And then I slept for 16 hours when I got home).

So I'll be glad to see the back of 2011.

I hope in 2012 that my health will recover so I can catch up with friends I've missed socialising with in the last six months. I hope to have the energy to resume my hobbies (photography etc.) and to resume work in some capacity, just a few hours here & there would be a start. And I'd like to be able to cope better with my dad's death, and wish the same to my mother, but I think only time can do that.

Thanks to all my friends who have stuck by me and supported me rather than getting bored and frustrated that I can't socialise much. I appreciate it very much. And thank goodness for the Internet!

I wish you all a very happy, healthy and safe New Year, whoever you are and whatever you're doing. Here's to a year of improvement!


PS This week I took possession of an item of my dad's that I've always coveted:

and it's on my desk where I can look on it often. Click here to read the detail and see what it is.